Dad had an abnormal obsession with the desert. Something about the dry vast nothingness of Utah's west desert called to the old man. He always answered the call!
Mom writes about one such near death experience in this excerpt:
"It has been an interesting week. So Dad had another great adventure in the dessert and of course, "almost died.": I don't know what we are going to do with him. He is so grounded from ever going to the desert again. I was a little upset with him because he took off Friday morning instead of going to the temple with me. He didn't tell me he was going . It was our mission reunion that evening and I guess he decided he didn't feel comfortable going limping in there with gimpy leg and non functional arm. He didn't want all the attention. Boy did his plan backfire. I go to the reunion and cry in front of everyone because I am worried about him and snot sure where he is or what he is doing. Now all the missionaries are worried abut him an Pres. Busche has already called him twice to talk to him and plans on taking us out to dinner and a long chat as soon as he gets back from Germany in a month. So much for not wanting anyone's attention.
So where's your crazy father you ask? yup he headed back out to the desert. His favorite run away place. But he drove too close to the lake edge and sunk up to his axles in mud. He tried digging himself out with his one arm and his collapsible shovel but that was about as effective as swatting at flies with a toothpick.
Then he gets the brilliant idea to call for help but since his phone had no reception where he was he decided he needed to tr and hike to a nearby hill to see if he could call anyone. He hiked for about a mile and a half (no easy task especially for him on very uneven ground) and just ended up getting himself good and lost. It got dark and he couldn't even find his way back to the truck. By divine intervention I'm sure he decided to try and dial 911 even without reception. Miraculously the operator answered and he was able to quickly tell her his predicament before his battery on the phone died. The Sheriff's came looking for him. They found his truck rather quickly but then it took another couple of hours for them to find him in the middle of nowhere with no light or way to signal them. They were the same cops that had helped him when he had the encounter with the bums and they remembered him. They were kind enough to all pitch in and dig him out. I'm sure we are going to get a huge bill from "Search and Rescue." He finally arrived home at 2:00 AM. I was worried sick and to make it worse... (I won't add this part) ... Old Deedle was putting in some of his super prayers and was about to head out to the desert on inspiration alone to find him. I guess if anyone could have done it, Davie could have. He sure has a lot of faith.
Well, I gave your father a good tongue lashing and told him he was grounded from the desert for a long time and could never go out there again alone. He readily agreed an d was so happy to be home. It really wore him out. His legs just aren't that strong and he was so tired he could barely walk in to the house. I think next year he will just face the music and go to the reunion. Even Pres. Busche told him he would have been much better off coming to the reunion. "
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Damn that sister Tanner!
yet another classic letter from the old man.
"Taylor,
In your letter about the circus, i.e. your branch, it took me back to Nurnberg, Germany. The oldest branch in Germany. An evil spirit hung over that city since the WWII Nazi war crimes. Elder Busche wanted to put an end to the bad spirit in the branch. He told the AP's that he wanted to send all of his "big guns", i.e. his very best missionaries to the city. Your Mom and I were considered the best of the best. We arrived in Nurnberg on the same day only a few hours apart. Satan was there waiting for us. He had many servants in this city. You could feel his evil right away.
When Mom arrived, her MTC teacher was there waiting for her with his mother. He had the hots for your Mama. He was a strange little German man that professed his love for Sister Tanner. Damn those Sister missionaries!! Always causing trouble.
I arrived a few hours later. My new comp, the illustrious Elder Bair, an Idaho spud farmer known throughout the mission as a great missionary and a great baptizer. I was excited to work with him.
When I met him at the train station the first words out of his mouth were "Did you hear? Sister Tanner is in the city with us!" He told me with slobber dripping down his chin. He went gaga immediately over that Damn Sister Tanner. He had to be transferred immediately. I hated Sister missionaries.
On Sunday I met the members. What a Zoo, we had an investigator with us and we had to sit on either side of him to protect him from the crazy members who would walk up to our investigator and proclaim that they would burn in hell if they did not accept the gospel right away.
Next, Sister Tanner's District Leader comes to me and says "I'm too love struck to do any missionary work. God told me to marry Sister Tanner!" Damn that Sister Tanner!
Another Sunday or two came and went, Sister Tanner came to us and told us that the 1st counselor in the District Presidency was hitting on her. Damn that Sister Tanner! She left the city overnight on a rail train.
They excommunicated over 400 members, including the whole District Presidency, that cleaned up that town. My comp and I were acting District Presidents.
Sister Tanner flew home with us. The brakes went out on the plane in Boston, Damn that Sister Tanner! What I'm trying to tell you is if you haven't guessed it already.
BEWARE OF THE SISTER MISSIONARY!! They are stealthy and come in all sizes. Mostly XXX size.
Mom and I can relate to you in what is going on in you zoo. Although I've never had a member bite me! Work hard Elder your time is short and it is a once in a lifetime chance to do this work. We miss you love and love you lots, our prayers are with you.
Love, Billy Willy Dinky"
"Taylor,
In your letter about the circus, i.e. your branch, it took me back to Nurnberg, Germany. The oldest branch in Germany. An evil spirit hung over that city since the WWII Nazi war crimes. Elder Busche wanted to put an end to the bad spirit in the branch. He told the AP's that he wanted to send all of his "big guns", i.e. his very best missionaries to the city. Your Mom and I were considered the best of the best. We arrived in Nurnberg on the same day only a few hours apart. Satan was there waiting for us. He had many servants in this city. You could feel his evil right away.
When Mom arrived, her MTC teacher was there waiting for her with his mother. He had the hots for your Mama. He was a strange little German man that professed his love for Sister Tanner. Damn those Sister missionaries!! Always causing trouble.
I arrived a few hours later. My new comp, the illustrious Elder Bair, an Idaho spud farmer known throughout the mission as a great missionary and a great baptizer. I was excited to work with him.
When I met him at the train station the first words out of his mouth were "Did you hear? Sister Tanner is in the city with us!" He told me with slobber dripping down his chin. He went gaga immediately over that Damn Sister Tanner. He had to be transferred immediately. I hated Sister missionaries.
On Sunday I met the members. What a Zoo, we had an investigator with us and we had to sit on either side of him to protect him from the crazy members who would walk up to our investigator and proclaim that they would burn in hell if they did not accept the gospel right away.
Next, Sister Tanner's District Leader comes to me and says "I'm too love struck to do any missionary work. God told me to marry Sister Tanner!" Damn that Sister Tanner!
Another Sunday or two came and went, Sister Tanner came to us and told us that the 1st counselor in the District Presidency was hitting on her. Damn that Sister Tanner! She left the city overnight on a rail train.
They excommunicated over 400 members, including the whole District Presidency, that cleaned up that town. My comp and I were acting District Presidents.
Sister Tanner flew home with us. The brakes went out on the plane in Boston, Damn that Sister Tanner! What I'm trying to tell you is if you haven't guessed it already.
BEWARE OF THE SISTER MISSIONARY!! They are stealthy and come in all sizes. Mostly XXX size.
Mom and I can relate to you in what is going on in you zoo. Although I've never had a member bite me! Work hard Elder your time is short and it is a once in a lifetime chance to do this work. We miss you love and love you lots, our prayers are with you.
Love, Billy Willy Dinky"
Dad's famous skateboard generosity
this letter on my mission shows how loving Dad was. He immediately acted on righteous impulses (and a few not so righteous) to show kindness to others. Here it is...
"Tay,
OOPS! Elder Sparks,
I'm writing to apologize. You'll learn what for as the story goes on. I was on my way home, I was at the top of Country Oaks. I noticed 3 kids in the road. I briefly considered greasing all 3 of them, until I noticed that one of them was the youngest Packer kid. Two of the kids had skate boards and the third didn't. He was just running behind the other two kids and pretending to have a board, poor little guy was doing his best to keep up on his make believe board.
Out of curiosity I pulled over and talked to the Packer kid. I asked him who the goofy looking kid was and why he didn't have a skate board? The packer kid answered, his daddy is real sick and they don't have any money. They goofy looking kid slowly wandered over to my truck and looked up at me with big sad puppy dog eyes. I don't know what happened next, but I found myself racing down the road as fast as I could. I felt like I had been propelled back in time to a time when I was sick, barely alive and no money, worrying where I would get money for birthday and Christmas presents. As the garage door opened I spied an old skateboard hanging on the wall.
I'm so sorry Taylor, I picked it up and sped back up the street. I pulled over to the goofy looking kid who had just finished pretending a curb grind complete with a gnarly wipe out. He wandered over to the truck looking guilty like he was going to get chewed out for skateboarding at Albertsons. I handed him the skateboard and his eyes lit up. He looked at me queasidly, I told him about a famous boarder named Taylor David Sparks who was on a mission in Argentina and he would want you to have this, I continued on that this board had super natural powers and he would soon be the best boarder in Utah. I saw glee and delight in his eyes as he slowly reached up and took the board from my hands. He then said thanks Brother Sparks and please thank Elder Sparks for me. I t was the best thing I've done in a long time. I owe you a new board when you get home Taylor.
Love,
Dad"
"Tay,
OOPS! Elder Sparks,
I'm writing to apologize. You'll learn what for as the story goes on. I was on my way home, I was at the top of Country Oaks. I noticed 3 kids in the road. I briefly considered greasing all 3 of them, until I noticed that one of them was the youngest Packer kid. Two of the kids had skate boards and the third didn't. He was just running behind the other two kids and pretending to have a board, poor little guy was doing his best to keep up on his make believe board.
Out of curiosity I pulled over and talked to the Packer kid. I asked him who the goofy looking kid was and why he didn't have a skate board? The packer kid answered, his daddy is real sick and they don't have any money. They goofy looking kid slowly wandered over to my truck and looked up at me with big sad puppy dog eyes. I don't know what happened next, but I found myself racing down the road as fast as I could. I felt like I had been propelled back in time to a time when I was sick, barely alive and no money, worrying where I would get money for birthday and Christmas presents. As the garage door opened I spied an old skateboard hanging on the wall.
I'm so sorry Taylor, I picked it up and sped back up the street. I pulled over to the goofy looking kid who had just finished pretending a curb grind complete with a gnarly wipe out. He wandered over to the truck looking guilty like he was going to get chewed out for skateboarding at Albertsons. I handed him the skateboard and his eyes lit up. He looked at me queasidly, I told him about a famous boarder named Taylor David Sparks who was on a mission in Argentina and he would want you to have this, I continued on that this board had super natural powers and he would soon be the best boarder in Utah. I saw glee and delight in his eyes as he slowly reached up and took the board from my hands. He then said thanks Brother Sparks and please thank Elder Sparks for me. I t was the best thing I've done in a long time. I owe you a new board when you get home Taylor.
Love,
Dad"
another funny letter
Another of my favorites...
"Dear Elders and Elerettes,
Taylor, did yo get beaten up again this week?
Michelle, how about those mud slides?
Ali, how's the tan coming along?
Taylor, I got a letter from Andy this week. He was verbally abusive as usual and expressed his undying love for you. He will be a good missionary. By now you have met intellectuals that just want to argue with you, Andy will give those types a run for their money.
As you know, your big sister will be home soon, she gets all your old stuff. Time goes by so fast when you are serving the Lord, Although there are sometimes days and weeks that last forever. We have all experienced those times. Be valiant young ones. These times make the good times even sweeter. It is always so much fun for us to tell people that you 3 are all out at the same time, by the time I add th stroke story, they are crying and reaching for their wallets. I could do this professionally if you guys would agree to stay out longer.
Mom is kicking me out of the house and rushing me back to work. I can't use my fingers well enough yet to button my pants. I don't think that's going to go over well at work when I ask co-workers to button me up. Maybe I'll stay with panhanding the old people in the ward... By the way I have developed relationships in the ward with the older folks. Old folks have had strokes and they like to share stories with me. I has given me empathy for senior members of the ward. I have been mouth kissed by several of them. It's not bad until they start usingthetongue. Generally it's not too bad, but old people have a tendency to use too much slobber. You get used to it.
Michelle, Mark Iverson asked for your address Sunday. I gave it to him, I like him, he doesn't use too much slobber, but you would know this already Miss Hot lips. We haven't seen much of letterJ since "the potential boyfriend endurance trial" when I met him at the front door with a shotgun and told him his first test was to make it back to his car before the buckshot. Strangest thing, he hasn't come back.
We look forward to enjoying your wonderful spirits. Work hard and keep all of the rules and BAPTIZE!
Love
Dad"
"Dear Elders and Elerettes,
Taylor, did yo get beaten up again this week?
Michelle, how about those mud slides?
Ali, how's the tan coming along?
Taylor, I got a letter from Andy this week. He was verbally abusive as usual and expressed his undying love for you. He will be a good missionary. By now you have met intellectuals that just want to argue with you, Andy will give those types a run for their money.
As you know, your big sister will be home soon, she gets all your old stuff. Time goes by so fast when you are serving the Lord, Although there are sometimes days and weeks that last forever. We have all experienced those times. Be valiant young ones. These times make the good times even sweeter. It is always so much fun for us to tell people that you 3 are all out at the same time, by the time I add th stroke story, they are crying and reaching for their wallets. I could do this professionally if you guys would agree to stay out longer.
Mom is kicking me out of the house and rushing me back to work. I can't use my fingers well enough yet to button my pants. I don't think that's going to go over well at work when I ask co-workers to button me up. Maybe I'll stay with panhanding the old people in the ward... By the way I have developed relationships in the ward with the older folks. Old folks have had strokes and they like to share stories with me. I has given me empathy for senior members of the ward. I have been mouth kissed by several of them. It's not bad until they start usingthetongue. Generally it's not too bad, but old people have a tendency to use too much slobber. You get used to it.
Michelle, Mark Iverson asked for your address Sunday. I gave it to him, I like him, he doesn't use too much slobber, but you would know this already Miss Hot lips. We haven't seen much of letterJ since "the potential boyfriend endurance trial" when I met him at the front door with a shotgun and told him his first test was to make it back to his car before the buckshot. Strangest thing, he hasn't come back.
We look forward to enjoying your wonderful spirits. Work hard and keep all of the rules and BAPTIZE!
Love
Dad"
funny letters
Here's a good example of the funny letters dad would send us during our mission.
"Missionaries, one and all,
And yes you're all getting a copy of this. It's not cheating it's called compensating. It's a new word I've learned in rehab.
Mow-mow, Black Cat, Shabby Tabby or what ever you want to call her, Has had another name. We now call her PePe le Piu or Sadam "the cat" Hussein because of her flagrant use of toxic weapons. She was outside on the deck doing her usual let me in dance, when suddenly we heard some awful sounds. We (your mom and I) looked out to see our cat being attacked by another cat. Then we observed the most hideous thing we have ever seen. Our cat lost control of her bowels and started flinging poop, aka: fecal matter, everywhere. I don't know if she had sh#% scared out of her, or if that was some kind of defense tactic, but it worked. The other cat took off never to be seen again. Maybe I'll try that next time the JW's come by. It will be a long time before we can use that deck again.
I don't know if you've heard but America is getting ready to go to War again! We have a president that is a God fearing man. Unlike the las dirt bag Democratic President we had. That comment was for any 5 foot nothin Democrat Brazilian sister missionaries that might read this. Pray for him that he makes the right decisions and doesn't put our soldiers in harm's way. ...
...Rehab is going well for me. I was disappointed to learn that mental abilities have also been effected by the stroke. It probably happened to me because I acted like a retard in public for all of those years. What goes around, comes around. Am I keeping this scattered enough for you Michelle. What you aren't seeing is the hours that go into writing it. You see, I type a little, walk away, come back and start typing again of whatever comes to mind.
How are the beaches Alicia? How is your tan coming? How did you pull off such a cushy mission? Does devil boy write? Mom and I went to the temple. Grant sat next to me and helped me dress. We're going out now. I think he really likes me!!
Eric looked so different in the temple.
Until next time.
I love you all so much,
Love
dad"
"Missionaries, one and all,
And yes you're all getting a copy of this. It's not cheating it's called compensating. It's a new word I've learned in rehab.
Mow-mow, Black Cat, Shabby Tabby or what ever you want to call her, Has had another name. We now call her PePe le Piu or Sadam "the cat" Hussein because of her flagrant use of toxic weapons. She was outside on the deck doing her usual let me in dance, when suddenly we heard some awful sounds. We (your mom and I) looked out to see our cat being attacked by another cat. Then we observed the most hideous thing we have ever seen. Our cat lost control of her bowels and started flinging poop, aka: fecal matter, everywhere. I don't know if she had sh#% scared out of her, or if that was some kind of defense tactic, but it worked. The other cat took off never to be seen again. Maybe I'll try that next time the JW's come by. It will be a long time before we can use that deck again.
I don't know if you've heard but America is getting ready to go to War again! We have a president that is a God fearing man. Unlike the las dirt bag Democratic President we had. That comment was for any 5 foot nothin Democrat Brazilian sister missionaries that might read this. Pray for him that he makes the right decisions and doesn't put our soldiers in harm's way. ...
...Rehab is going well for me. I was disappointed to learn that mental abilities have also been effected by the stroke. It probably happened to me because I acted like a retard in public for all of those years. What goes around, comes around. Am I keeping this scattered enough for you Michelle. What you aren't seeing is the hours that go into writing it. You see, I type a little, walk away, come back and start typing again of whatever comes to mind.
How are the beaches Alicia? How is your tan coming? How did you pull off such a cushy mission? Does devil boy write? Mom and I went to the temple. Grant sat next to me and helped me dress. We're going out now. I think he really likes me!!
Eric looked so different in the temple.
Until next time.
I love you all so much,
Love
dad"
mission WORK
another letter from Dad that inspired me on my mission.
"Elder Taylor,
Word has gotten back to me about your evil plots against me, well my pretty, I'll take care of you when you get home. We'll see who puts who in a home. (Note: considering how things actually happened... That joke will just never be as funny ever again) A little bit of local news for you. The state of Utah in conjunction with the church have built delousing and deworming station for all south American missionaries at the SLC airport. DDT, you gotta luv it baby. So if you're really attached to any of your little friends, ie; Buster the Body Crab, Etc. Leave em in Argentina.
I love the Savior, and the incredible gift that he has given us. I often think of my missionaries trying to share that message with a world that isn't very interested in what you have to share, or are so confused and blinded by the doctrine of men. You must spend most of your time looking for the truly elect of God. I know that feeling when you find them, and the sadness that you feel when they don't accept the gospel. I had many experiences as a missionary when I was the second or third missionary to teach family and have them finally accept the gospel. We taught a man in Stutgart Germany that had been an investigator for 30 years. He even had a son on a mission. We were the millionth missionaries to approach, so you never ever know. Never, never give up. From your letters home it's easy to tell what kind of missionary you are! We are so proud of you.
In closing, just a note, I'm getting better every day. I'm out of the wheel chair and dancing in public places declaring to the world that I'm the proud father of Elder Taylor Sparks
Love
Dad."
"Elder Taylor,
Word has gotten back to me about your evil plots against me, well my pretty, I'll take care of you when you get home. We'll see who puts who in a home. (Note: considering how things actually happened... That joke will just never be as funny ever again) A little bit of local news for you. The state of Utah in conjunction with the church have built delousing and deworming station for all south American missionaries at the SLC airport. DDT, you gotta luv it baby. So if you're really attached to any of your little friends, ie; Buster the Body Crab, Etc. Leave em in Argentina.
I love the Savior, and the incredible gift that he has given us. I often think of my missionaries trying to share that message with a world that isn't very interested in what you have to share, or are so confused and blinded by the doctrine of men. You must spend most of your time looking for the truly elect of God. I know that feeling when you find them, and the sadness that you feel when they don't accept the gospel. I had many experiences as a missionary when I was the second or third missionary to teach family and have them finally accept the gospel. We taught a man in Stutgart Germany that had been an investigator for 30 years. He even had a son on a mission. We were the millionth missionaries to approach, so you never ever know. Never, never give up. From your letters home it's easy to tell what kind of missionary you are! We are so proud of you.
In closing, just a note, I'm getting better every day. I'm out of the wheel chair and dancing in public places declaring to the world that I'm the proud father of Elder Taylor Sparks
Love
Dad."
positive attitude
Dad was a constant example for me on my mission. After he had his stroke and lost the use of his left hand (he's left handed) he wrote me the following letter:
"Dear Sisters Sparks, Elder Sparks (Note: Alicia, Michelle and me, Taylor, were all currently serving a mission)
You've seen my blazing 2 finger typing skills, now it's reduced by 50%. I have to pick up 1 more finger on my right hand then look out Mama. Things are fine at home now. I'm out of the hospital. You fart one time in public and they run you out of the place. I'm very optimistic about gaining back the use of my left hand. Most of the left leg has come back already. I have looked for a reason for this happening right now. I think I have found one. I have learned again how much your Mom loves me. She came up to the hospital every day and climbed on the bed cuddled with me. It made me realize how much she cared for me. This is all for today since it has taken me an hour type.
Love Dad
Life is great. "
As far as being faithful to God even in the face of extreme trials Dad would even give Job a run for his money.
"Dear Sisters Sparks, Elder Sparks (Note: Alicia, Michelle and me, Taylor, were all currently serving a mission)
You've seen my blazing 2 finger typing skills, now it's reduced by 50%. I have to pick up 1 more finger on my right hand then look out Mama. Things are fine at home now. I'm out of the hospital. You fart one time in public and they run you out of the place. I'm very optimistic about gaining back the use of my left hand. Most of the left leg has come back already. I have looked for a reason for this happening right now. I think I have found one. I have learned again how much your Mom loves me. She came up to the hospital every day and climbed on the bed cuddled with me. It made me realize how much she cared for me. This is all for today since it has taken me an hour type.
Love Dad
Life is great. "
As far as being faithful to God even in the face of extreme trials Dad would even give Job a run for his money.
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