yet another classic letter from the old man.
"Taylor,
In your letter about the circus, i.e. your branch, it took me back to Nurnberg, Germany. The oldest branch in Germany. An evil spirit hung over that city since the WWII Nazi war crimes. Elder Busche wanted to put an end to the bad spirit in the branch. He told the AP's that he wanted to send all of his "big guns", i.e. his very best missionaries to the city. Your Mom and I were considered the best of the best. We arrived in Nurnberg on the same day only a few hours apart. Satan was there waiting for us. He had many servants in this city. You could feel his evil right away.
When Mom arrived, her MTC teacher was there waiting for her with his mother. He had the hots for your Mama. He was a strange little German man that professed his love for Sister Tanner. Damn those Sister missionaries!! Always causing trouble.
I arrived a few hours later. My new comp, the illustrious Elder Bair, an Idaho spud farmer known throughout the mission as a great missionary and a great baptizer. I was excited to work with him.
When I met him at the train station the first words out of his mouth were "Did you hear? Sister Tanner is in the city with us!" He told me with slobber dripping down his chin. He went gaga immediately over that Damn Sister Tanner. He had to be transferred immediately. I hated Sister missionaries.
On Sunday I met the members. What a Zoo, we had an investigator with us and we had to sit on either side of him to protect him from the crazy members who would walk up to our investigator and proclaim that they would burn in hell if they did not accept the gospel right away.
Next, Sister Tanner's District Leader comes to me and says "I'm too love struck to do any missionary work. God told me to marry Sister Tanner!" Damn that Sister Tanner!
Another Sunday or two came and went, Sister Tanner came to us and told us that the 1st counselor in the District Presidency was hitting on her. Damn that Sister Tanner! She left the city overnight on a rail train.
They excommunicated over 400 members, including the whole District Presidency, that cleaned up that town. My comp and I were acting District Presidents.
Sister Tanner flew home with us. The brakes went out on the plane in Boston, Damn that Sister Tanner! What I'm trying to tell you is if you haven't guessed it already.
BEWARE OF THE SISTER MISSIONARY!! They are stealthy and come in all sizes. Mostly XXX size.
Mom and I can relate to you in what is going on in you zoo. Although I've never had a member bite me! Work hard Elder your time is short and it is a once in a lifetime chance to do this work. We miss you love and love you lots, our prayers are with you.
Love, Billy Willy Dinky"
Showing posts with label mission letter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mission letter. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
another funny letter
Another of my favorites...
"Dear Elders and Elerettes,
Taylor, did yo get beaten up again this week?
Michelle, how about those mud slides?
Ali, how's the tan coming along?
Taylor, I got a letter from Andy this week. He was verbally abusive as usual and expressed his undying love for you. He will be a good missionary. By now you have met intellectuals that just want to argue with you, Andy will give those types a run for their money.
As you know, your big sister will be home soon, she gets all your old stuff. Time goes by so fast when you are serving the Lord, Although there are sometimes days and weeks that last forever. We have all experienced those times. Be valiant young ones. These times make the good times even sweeter. It is always so much fun for us to tell people that you 3 are all out at the same time, by the time I add th stroke story, they are crying and reaching for their wallets. I could do this professionally if you guys would agree to stay out longer.
Mom is kicking me out of the house and rushing me back to work. I can't use my fingers well enough yet to button my pants. I don't think that's going to go over well at work when I ask co-workers to button me up. Maybe I'll stay with panhanding the old people in the ward... By the way I have developed relationships in the ward with the older folks. Old folks have had strokes and they like to share stories with me. I has given me empathy for senior members of the ward. I have been mouth kissed by several of them. It's not bad until they start usingthetongue. Generally it's not too bad, but old people have a tendency to use too much slobber. You get used to it.
Michelle, Mark Iverson asked for your address Sunday. I gave it to him, I like him, he doesn't use too much slobber, but you would know this already Miss Hot lips. We haven't seen much of letterJ since "the potential boyfriend endurance trial" when I met him at the front door with a shotgun and told him his first test was to make it back to his car before the buckshot. Strangest thing, he hasn't come back.
We look forward to enjoying your wonderful spirits. Work hard and keep all of the rules and BAPTIZE!
Love
Dad"
"Dear Elders and Elerettes,
Taylor, did yo get beaten up again this week?
Michelle, how about those mud slides?
Ali, how's the tan coming along?
Taylor, I got a letter from Andy this week. He was verbally abusive as usual and expressed his undying love for you. He will be a good missionary. By now you have met intellectuals that just want to argue with you, Andy will give those types a run for their money.
As you know, your big sister will be home soon, she gets all your old stuff. Time goes by so fast when you are serving the Lord, Although there are sometimes days and weeks that last forever. We have all experienced those times. Be valiant young ones. These times make the good times even sweeter. It is always so much fun for us to tell people that you 3 are all out at the same time, by the time I add th stroke story, they are crying and reaching for their wallets. I could do this professionally if you guys would agree to stay out longer.
Mom is kicking me out of the house and rushing me back to work. I can't use my fingers well enough yet to button my pants. I don't think that's going to go over well at work when I ask co-workers to button me up. Maybe I'll stay with panhanding the old people in the ward... By the way I have developed relationships in the ward with the older folks. Old folks have had strokes and they like to share stories with me. I has given me empathy for senior members of the ward. I have been mouth kissed by several of them. It's not bad until they start usingthetongue. Generally it's not too bad, but old people have a tendency to use too much slobber. You get used to it.
Michelle, Mark Iverson asked for your address Sunday. I gave it to him, I like him, he doesn't use too much slobber, but you would know this already Miss Hot lips. We haven't seen much of letterJ since "the potential boyfriend endurance trial" when I met him at the front door with a shotgun and told him his first test was to make it back to his car before the buckshot. Strangest thing, he hasn't come back.
We look forward to enjoying your wonderful spirits. Work hard and keep all of the rules and BAPTIZE!
Love
Dad"
mission WORK
another letter from Dad that inspired me on my mission.
"Elder Taylor,
Word has gotten back to me about your evil plots against me, well my pretty, I'll take care of you when you get home. We'll see who puts who in a home. (Note: considering how things actually happened... That joke will just never be as funny ever again) A little bit of local news for you. The state of Utah in conjunction with the church have built delousing and deworming station for all south American missionaries at the SLC airport. DDT, you gotta luv it baby. So if you're really attached to any of your little friends, ie; Buster the Body Crab, Etc. Leave em in Argentina.
I love the Savior, and the incredible gift that he has given us. I often think of my missionaries trying to share that message with a world that isn't very interested in what you have to share, or are so confused and blinded by the doctrine of men. You must spend most of your time looking for the truly elect of God. I know that feeling when you find them, and the sadness that you feel when they don't accept the gospel. I had many experiences as a missionary when I was the second or third missionary to teach family and have them finally accept the gospel. We taught a man in Stutgart Germany that had been an investigator for 30 years. He even had a son on a mission. We were the millionth missionaries to approach, so you never ever know. Never, never give up. From your letters home it's easy to tell what kind of missionary you are! We are so proud of you.
In closing, just a note, I'm getting better every day. I'm out of the wheel chair and dancing in public places declaring to the world that I'm the proud father of Elder Taylor Sparks
Love
Dad."
"Elder Taylor,
Word has gotten back to me about your evil plots against me, well my pretty, I'll take care of you when you get home. We'll see who puts who in a home. (Note: considering how things actually happened... That joke will just never be as funny ever again) A little bit of local news for you. The state of Utah in conjunction with the church have built delousing and deworming station for all south American missionaries at the SLC airport. DDT, you gotta luv it baby. So if you're really attached to any of your little friends, ie; Buster the Body Crab, Etc. Leave em in Argentina.
I love the Savior, and the incredible gift that he has given us. I often think of my missionaries trying to share that message with a world that isn't very interested in what you have to share, or are so confused and blinded by the doctrine of men. You must spend most of your time looking for the truly elect of God. I know that feeling when you find them, and the sadness that you feel when they don't accept the gospel. I had many experiences as a missionary when I was the second or third missionary to teach family and have them finally accept the gospel. We taught a man in Stutgart Germany that had been an investigator for 30 years. He even had a son on a mission. We were the millionth missionaries to approach, so you never ever know. Never, never give up. From your letters home it's easy to tell what kind of missionary you are! We are so proud of you.
In closing, just a note, I'm getting better every day. I'm out of the wheel chair and dancing in public places declaring to the world that I'm the proud father of Elder Taylor Sparks
Love
Dad."
positive attitude
Dad was a constant example for me on my mission. After he had his stroke and lost the use of his left hand (he's left handed) he wrote me the following letter:
"Dear Sisters Sparks, Elder Sparks (Note: Alicia, Michelle and me, Taylor, were all currently serving a mission)
You've seen my blazing 2 finger typing skills, now it's reduced by 50%. I have to pick up 1 more finger on my right hand then look out Mama. Things are fine at home now. I'm out of the hospital. You fart one time in public and they run you out of the place. I'm very optimistic about gaining back the use of my left hand. Most of the left leg has come back already. I have looked for a reason for this happening right now. I think I have found one. I have learned again how much your Mom loves me. She came up to the hospital every day and climbed on the bed cuddled with me. It made me realize how much she cared for me. This is all for today since it has taken me an hour type.
Love Dad
Life is great. "
As far as being faithful to God even in the face of extreme trials Dad would even give Job a run for his money.
"Dear Sisters Sparks, Elder Sparks (Note: Alicia, Michelle and me, Taylor, were all currently serving a mission)
You've seen my blazing 2 finger typing skills, now it's reduced by 50%. I have to pick up 1 more finger on my right hand then look out Mama. Things are fine at home now. I'm out of the hospital. You fart one time in public and they run you out of the place. I'm very optimistic about gaining back the use of my left hand. Most of the left leg has come back already. I have looked for a reason for this happening right now. I think I have found one. I have learned again how much your Mom loves me. She came up to the hospital every day and climbed on the bed cuddled with me. It made me realize how much she cared for me. This is all for today since it has taken me an hour type.
Love Dad
Life is great. "
As far as being faithful to God even in the face of extreme trials Dad would even give Job a run for his money.
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