funny letters

Here's a good example of the funny letters dad would send us during our mission.

"Missionaries, one and all,
And yes you're all getting a copy of this. It's not cheating it's called compensating. It's a new word I've learned in rehab.
Mow-mow, Black Cat, Shabby Tabby or what ever you want to call her, Has had another name. We now call her PePe le Piu or Sadam "the cat" Hussein because of her flagrant use of toxic weapons. She was outside on the deck doing her usual let me in dance, when suddenly we heard some awful sounds. We (your mom and I) looked out to see our cat being attacked by another cat. Then we observed the most hideous thing we have ever seen. Our cat lost control of her bowels and started flinging poop, aka: fecal matter, everywhere. I don't know if she had sh#% scared out of her, or if that was some kind of defense tactic, but it worked. The other cat took off never to be seen again. Maybe I'll try that next time the JW's come by. It will be a long time before we can use that deck again.
I don't know if you've heard but America is getting ready to go to War again! We have a president that is a God fearing man. Unlike the las dirt bag Democratic President we had. That comment was for any 5 foot nothin Democrat Brazilian sister missionaries that might read this. Pray for him that he makes the right decisions and doesn't put our soldiers in harm's way. ...
...Rehab is going well for me. I was disappointed to learn that mental abilities have also been effected by the stroke. It probably happened to me because I acted like a retard in public for all of those years. What goes around, comes around. Am I keeping this scattered enough for you Michelle. What you aren't seeing is the hours that go into writing it. You see, I type a little, walk away, come back and start typing again of whatever comes to mind.
How are the beaches Alicia? How is your tan coming? How did you pull off such a cushy mission? Does devil boy write? Mom and I went to the temple. Grant sat next to me and helped me dress. We're going out now. I think he really likes me!!
Eric looked so different in the temple.
Until next time.
I love you all so much,
Love
dad"