funny letters

Here's a good example of the funny letters dad would send us during our mission.

"Missionaries, one and all,
And yes you're all getting a copy of this. It's not cheating it's called compensating. It's a new word I've learned in rehab.
Mow-mow, Black Cat, Shabby Tabby or what ever you want to call her, Has had another name. We now call her PePe le Piu or Sadam "the cat" Hussein because of her flagrant use of toxic weapons. She was outside on the deck doing her usual let me in dance, when suddenly we heard some awful sounds. We (your mom and I) looked out to see our cat being attacked by another cat. Then we observed the most hideous thing we have ever seen. Our cat lost control of her bowels and started flinging poop, aka: fecal matter, everywhere. I don't know if she had sh#% scared out of her, or if that was some kind of defense tactic, but it worked. The other cat took off never to be seen again. Maybe I'll try that next time the JW's come by. It will be a long time before we can use that deck again.
I don't know if you've heard but America is getting ready to go to War again! We have a president that is a God fearing man. Unlike the las dirt bag Democratic President we had. That comment was for any 5 foot nothin Democrat Brazilian sister missionaries that might read this. Pray for him that he makes the right decisions and doesn't put our soldiers in harm's way. ...
...Rehab is going well for me. I was disappointed to learn that mental abilities have also been effected by the stroke. It probably happened to me because I acted like a retard in public for all of those years. What goes around, comes around. Am I keeping this scattered enough for you Michelle. What you aren't seeing is the hours that go into writing it. You see, I type a little, walk away, come back and start typing again of whatever comes to mind.
How are the beaches Alicia? How is your tan coming? How did you pull off such a cushy mission? Does devil boy write? Mom and I went to the temple. Grant sat next to me and helped me dress. We're going out now. I think he really likes me!!
Eric looked so different in the temple.
Until next time.
I love you all so much,
Love
dad"

mission WORK

another letter from Dad that inspired me on my mission.

"Elder Taylor,
Word has gotten back to me about your evil plots against me, well my pretty, I'll take care of you when you get home. We'll see who puts who in a home. (Note: considering how things actually happened... That joke will just never be as funny ever again) A little bit of local news for you. The state of Utah in conjunction with the church have built delousing and deworming station for all south American missionaries at the SLC airport. DDT, you gotta luv it baby. So if you're really attached to any of your little friends, ie; Buster the Body Crab, Etc. Leave em in Argentina.
I love the Savior, and the incredible gift that he has given us. I often think of my missionaries trying to share that message with a world that isn't very interested in what you have to share, or are so confused and blinded by the doctrine of men. You must spend most of your time looking for the truly elect of God. I know that feeling when you find them, and the sadness that you feel when they don't accept the gospel. I had many experiences as a missionary when I was the second or third missionary to teach family and have them finally accept the gospel. We taught a man in Stutgart Germany that had been an investigator for 30 years. He even had a son on a mission. We were the millionth missionaries to approach, so you never ever know. Never, never give up. From your letters home it's easy to tell what kind of missionary you are! We are so proud of you.
In closing, just a note, I'm getting better every day. I'm out of the wheel chair and dancing in public places declaring to the world that I'm the proud father of Elder Taylor Sparks
Love
Dad."

positive attitude

Dad was a constant example for me on my mission. After he had his stroke and lost the use of his left hand (he's left handed) he wrote me the following letter:
"Dear Sisters Sparks, Elder Sparks (Note: Alicia, Michelle and me, Taylor, were all currently serving a mission)
You've seen my blazing 2 finger typing skills, now it's reduced by 50%. I have to pick up 1 more finger on my right hand then look out Mama. Things are fine at home now. I'm out of the hospital. You fart one time in public and they run you out of the place. I'm very optimistic about gaining back the use of my left hand. Most of the left leg has come back already. I have looked for a reason for this happening right now. I think I have found one. I have learned again how much your Mom loves me. She came up to the hospital every day and climbed on the bed cuddled with me. It made me realize how much she cared for me. This is all for today since it has taken me an hour type.
Love Dad
Life is great. "


As far as being faithful to God even in the face of extreme trials Dad would even give Job a run for his money.

Breakfast

As long as I can remember my dad has LOVED to go out for breakfast. When I was a kid he used to come into my room at like 4am to see if I wanted to go to breakfast with him. It was always a special treat to go to breakfast with dad. He would alternate between the four kids so that we all got a turn. When we got into our teenage years dad continued to come wake us up at all hours of the morning looking for a breakfast buddy. It became somewhat less cute to have him wake us up at 4am though and you could usually hear him going from room to room trying to coerce someone into getting up.

Finder of Great Things

As long as I can remember my dad has been unable to pass up "freeway finds". A freeway find is usually something that has fallen off of someone's moving truck, been thrown out of someones window or otherwise left for dead on the side of the road. One day many years ago my dad had a dream that there was a bag in the middle of the road. In the dream he passed up the bag and then the next car behind him stopped only to find that the bag was full of money. From that time on my dad NEVER passed up a freeway treasure. I remember numerous embarassments during my early years when my dad would suddenly pull over to the side of the road and jump out of the car to retrieve a "great find". I can't tell you how many broken lawn chairs, life jackets, barbeques and once even a fax machine (which we do actually use...to his credit) my dad has rescued from abandonment. Many called him a "highway whore" but he always claimed that he was "a finder of great things". One man's trash...

Family

Anyone who knows Dad knows that he lived for his family. His favorite topic of conversation was his kids. He couldn't be more proud of us. He also adored my mom and lived to make her smile.
Few people in the world make me feel as loved.

Coke

The first item on Dad's favorite things list has got to be coke. Now I recognize that we all have our little addictions, but my dad's relationship to coke borders more on obsession. When my dad became confused, one of the few reoccuring coherant themes has been "I want a coke". He got so desperate in the hospital when he couldn't eat or drink that we actually took the sponge we were using to wet his mouth and dipped it in a coke. "That's the good stuff" he says "Now let me have the whole cup".
Several months ago my dad had a dream in which he went to heaven and discovered that there was no coke. He was extremely distraught by this idea. The next day at church my dad lost the ability to speak and had to be rushed to the hospital. On the way to the hospital he started to point to a gas station, indicating that my mom should pull over. My mom, worried that my dad was going to be sick, pulled the car into the gas station, at which point my dad went inside and got a coke. Who stops on the way to the emergency room to get a coke? I guess he didn't want to risk dying without one last fix.