Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Damn that sister Tanner!

yet another classic letter from the old man.
In your letter about the circus, i.e. your branch, it took me back to Nurnberg, Germany. The oldest branch in Germany. An evil spirit hung over that city since the WWII Nazi war crimes. Elder Busche wanted to put an end to the bad spirit in the branch. He told the AP's that he wanted to send all of his "big guns", i.e. his very best missionaries to the city. Your Mom and I were considered the best of the best. We arrived in Nurnberg on the same day only a few hours apart. Satan was there waiting for us. He had many servants in this city. You could feel his evil right away.
When Mom arrived, her MTC teacher was there waiting for her with his mother. He had the hots for your Mama. He was a strange little German man that professed his love for Sister Tanner. Damn those Sister missionaries!! Always causing trouble.
I arrived a few hours later. My new comp, the illustrious Elder Bair, an Idaho spud farmer known throughout the mission as a great missionary and a great baptizer. I was excited to work with him.
When I met him at the train station the first words out of his mouth were "Did you hear? Sister Tanner is in the city with us!" He told me with slobber dripping down his chin. He went gaga immediately over that Damn Sister Tanner. He had to be transferred immediately. I hated Sister missionaries.
On Sunday I met the members. What a Zoo, we had an investigator with us and we had to sit on either side of him to protect him from the crazy members who would walk up to our investigator and proclaim that they would burn in hell if they did not accept the gospel right away.
Next, Sister Tanner's District Leader comes to me and says "I'm too love struck to do any missionary work. God told me to marry Sister Tanner!" Damn that Sister Tanner!
Another Sunday or two came and went, Sister Tanner came to us and told us that the 1st counselor in the District Presidency was hitting on her. Damn that Sister Tanner! She left the city overnight on a rail train.
They excommunicated over 400 members, including the whole District Presidency, that cleaned up that town. My comp and I were acting District Presidents.
Sister Tanner flew home with us. The brakes went out on the plane in Boston, Damn that Sister Tanner! What I'm trying to tell you is if you haven't guessed it already.
BEWARE OF THE SISTER MISSIONARY!! They are stealthy and come in all sizes. Mostly XXX size.
Mom and I can relate to you in what is going on in you zoo. Although I've never had a member bite me! Work hard Elder your time is short and it is a once in a lifetime chance to do this work. We miss you love and love you lots, our prayers are with you.
Love, Billy Willy Dinky"

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